GO-GO JUICE, PAGEANT CRACK, AND FAKE BOOBS ON A 4-YEAR-OLD

There will be no photos associated with this post for the simple reason that I shall not engage in an act of child pornography. What follows is rather sickening.

We here at The Insane Asylum work like sled dogs to bring you the absolute best (arguably, the worst) of American Crazy, all for your entertainment and enlightenment. Sometimes, this requires that one of us do at least...oh, 7 or 8 minutes of intense Internet search engine legerdemain ... and very often, the crazies just come out of the woodwork, go on television, and make the process real easy for you.

Very often, what we find makes out flesh crawl, and causes us to wonder that if there is a perfect-and-all-powerful God, how She manages to make these sorts of mistakes, and then have the nerve to still go about pretending to be omniscient and benevolent.

I had intended to blog about this earlier in the week, but couldn't stop vomiting.

Toddlers & Tiaras’ mom defends use of ‘go go juice’ and ‘pageant crack'; Reveals recipe she gives to 6 year-old daughter Alana 

There should be a law that states that someone this dumb and irresponsible should be forcibly sterilized, and her children taken away, just as soon as they do something that proves just how dumb and irresponsible they truly are. Like when they enter their six year old in a beauty contest, dress her up like a whore, and then drug her in order "to win".

And in the grand scheme of Kiddie Pageants, this mother might be one of the saner ones. Check out this mother, who decided that her four year old stood a better chance of being a champion, if only she had a little cleavage to show the judges (scroll down for entire story).

My $0.02 on this phenomenon:

a) Child Pageants are akin to Trade Shows for Pedophiles, where incredibly moronic mothers conspire to exploit and perhaps seriously harm their own children, psychologically, and put them in physical danger. I wonder how many little girls are being abducted/stalked/abused or are having their tarted-up little photographs sent whizzing across the Internet by some underground cabal of creeps who can't rub one out without 5-year-old-in-a-bikini.pics.

b) Some of these parents are so competitive, so willing to do anything to “win” (and really, what do they win, personally? An ego boost from living vicariously through a 6-year old?) that they may not be able to understand the long-term effects of this hyper-sexualization and drugging of their own daughters. When today's pageant winner becomes tomorrow's Lost Cause, tossing handjobs for a fix, ending up in a morgue with a syringe still hanging between her toes; don't be surprised if someone suggests that perhaps she learned the wrong lessons -- because you were too busy pathetically trying to gain some sort of vicarious high in your otherwise-drab-and-dreary life by using your kid as a proxy -- from you. Live with that.

c) Are there any doctors or health-care professionals out there who could accurately describe the effects to a six-year-old-heart given a 50,000 volt jump start by a mixture of Mountain Dew and Red Bull? You know who drinks Mountain Dew? Inbred rednecks. You know who drinks Red Bull? People who want to commit suicide but who haven't got the guts to actually go through with it.

This woman obviously qualifies on both accounts. 

This mother (and we use the term loosely) looks like a the sort of inbred mountain woman who could wrestle a grizzly bear and skin an elk in the field with her three teeth, engages in a bit of moral relativism when she blithely remarks “It could be worse…I could be giving her alcohol…” . That's the sort of statement that should motivate some judge, somewhere, to sign a fucking death warrant, but unfortunately, this is America, and The System ensures that the insanely retarded get therapy -- and released to be stupid again -- instead of the public horsewhipping they deserve.

Hell, if it were up to me, I'd sterilize this woman with a rusty farm implement, assuming she isn't mainlining that Dew-and-Red-Bull time-bomb, becoming too fast to catch.





About the Writer

From race relations to politics to issues dealing with human sexual behavior, Matthew will make you either love him or hate him. Mostly hate him. That's why we love him. He is the Chief-Lunatic-in-Residence at www.lunaticsasylum.blogspot.com where the full brunt of his force is unleashed. Reach him on Twitter at @excelsior502 and Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/matt.noto.12