AMERICA'S NEWEST TREND: ALCOHOLIC ENEMAS

Experts: Alcohol Enemas are Extremely Dangerous.

Thank God we have 'experts' to constantly remind us not to do that which seems obviously stupid. I'll bet the guy who came up with that self-evident little piece of handy advice was paid at least high six-figures.

It's a good thing we're sending our children off to college in record numbers, huh? This, Ladies and Gentlemen, is what some of you have saved for all of your lives. It is what you have sacrificed or deferred vacations, dental fillings, the occasional steak, knee-replacement surgery and new cars for. It is why you have indebted yourself for the rest of your natural life with second mortgages and school loans.

All so your kids can go off to college, get a Master's Degree in Holistic Basketweaving (in only 7 years, too!), and in the meantime, discover new, exciting -- and dangerous -- things to stick up their backsides, or to do with alcohol, and preferably do both simultaneously. This is what most of you are paying nearly $60,000 a year for in the vain hope that your child will emerge from the college experience just slightly smarter than when they went in.

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RESTAURANTS SERVE ALCOHOL TO TODDLERS

I'm sure by now we've all heard the story about the toddler who was given alcohol in his cup at an Applebee's restaurant in Madison Heights, MI. If not, let me recap it for you late-comers.

15-month-old Dominic Dill-Reese was dining at the restaurant on 14 Mile Road with his family one Friday evening. His mother ordered him a kid's meal and asked for apple juice as the beverage. His mother noticed that moments after he started drinking it, he appeared sleepy. He put his head on the table and dozed off. When he woke up, he was REALLY happy and the child refused to eat his food. Before leaving, Mrs. Dill-Reese tasted the toddlers drink and was surprised to find a margarita drink inside. The manager apologized and said he just didn't know what to do... (Really?) Well, Mrs. Dill-Reese demanded something be done and the police were called and the child was taken to the hospital. After being examined, doctors told the child's mother that had the child drank the whole cup, he would've died. The Applebee's corporate office issued a statement saying that any situation like that is unacceptable, that they take it very seriously, and that they are conducting their own investigation to assess what exactly happened. Well, I can tell you what happened exactly... Alcohol was given to a 15-month-old in your restaurant.

Now, if that's not enough, a more recent incident of a similar nature has occurred at an Olive Garden restaurant in Lakeland, FL. on Hwy 98, where Sangria was served to a two-year-old. The child's mother claims that orange juice was ordered with the child's meal and the drink was brought to him in a plastic cup with a lid. The child drank most of it and began behaving rowdily, climbing on furniture and being noisy. The mother's first thought was that he was just behaving badly but then the manager and waiter came over and admitted that they had served the child alcohol by mistake. When she asked what was in the cup, she was told it was Sangria. The child was rushed to the hospital where he was given IV fluids and has made a full recovery.  In both cases the parents are planning to take legal action against the restaurants. I don't blame them either. I also agree with the mom in the second case who wants to know, how can your bar be so disorganized where you will serve a child alcohol and not realize it until a half an hour later. I think these were both cases where someone was being negligent and inattentive when it came to their job performance. I don't know...I just wish that one day they would slip up and put alcohol in my cup so I won't have to pay for those expensive watered down drinks. I'm just saying...



Deuces, Smooches
Nena Grace

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