Warning:
This video is most definitely NOT SAFE FOR WORK.
Yawn.
I know this may come as a shock to people in other parts of the country, but here in New York naked Maniacs shouting racial and anti-Semetic slurs on the Subway is a near-daily occurrance. If you were one of those National Geographic dudes who wanted to take the public into an unexplored wilderness complete with all sorts of absolutely batshit-crazy wildlife, forget the safari to the Serengeti, the expedition to the Andes, or the arduous trek into the tropical rain forests: ride the No. 6 pretty much any time of day or night.
You'll see things there that you never knew existed, or were even possible. It starts with the foot-long rats; but wait around long enough, and then All Hell Breaks Loose. It always does. The Subway draws Insane like a yellow porchlight draws moths.
And the Bronx-bound No. 6 might even turn out to be the kiddie ride of your entire Subway Adventure. The Uptown A-train is often a freakin' zoo, and nothing beats the Coney Island-bound B train for a hair-raising eperience. Take that train on some days and you can have the added adrenaline rush that comes from the knowledge that you have, most-assuredly, just might have taken your life into your own hands. Who needs hang-gliders and skydiving when you can thrill to ancient bums stretched out unconscious across six seats, stewing in their own cheap-bourbon-induced diarrhea? Why join the Special Forces and fight the Taliban when you can ride the old L-train to Canarsie and play "Who's the Blood and Who's the Crip?", bullet-proof vest optional?
New Yorkers learn, at an early age, to pretend as if they live in an invisible bubble that extends no further than 3" from their own noses. It's a survival instinct; outside of this bubble, particularly on the Subway, nothing else exists. You do no tmake eye contact. You do not stare. You do not pass comments under your breath. You certainly do not admit the existance of other human beings; you act as if you are all alone, and that nothing, nomatter how disgusting or disturbing, bothers you. Acting otherwise might call attention to you, andif you call attention to yourself, you might find yourself in some real trouble.
Smetimes, despite your best efforts at ignoring the rest of the human race and just getting this goddamned ride done with so you can get off and go home, The Crazy People come along and burst your bubble.
I can't begin to tell you all of the outrageous things I've seen on the Subway in my life --- but I'll give it a try;
A toothless homeless couple doing The Nasty between cars...while the train was in motion.
A deranged woman who simply dropped her knickers, took a copious dump upon the floor, and then calmly exited the train with her panties around her ankles at the next stop.
A Gay, Three-way make-out session. I'll spare you the details.
People (men, women, and some you might have questions about) masturbating in public.
Two escaped mental patients who got into a fistfight over the burning question of whether or not Obi Wan Kenobi would have voted for Bill Clinton.
That's just the tame stuff. This dude didn't even make the Top Ten Strange Shit That Happens in the Subway list.
And it used to be far worse! You have to give the NYPD a lot of credit in the last 20 years, or so. Back in the late 70's -- when I grew up in Brooklyn -- the miscreants were not only crazy, but armed to the teeth. Better-armed than the cops, often, and a good number of them were still fighting the war in Vietnam, or were simply let out of mental institutions after a decade of abuse and neglect, to wander the streets. In those days, if the cops bothered to even go into the Subway after sunset (full discloure: my Father was a NYC Transit Cop,and at some point in his career he started carrying TWO guns to work), they simply would have beat the snot out the guy, and then dumped him at Belleview. So, for the price of one fare, you often got two shows: the Lunatic doing his thing, and the cops beating him within an inch of his life.
Eventually the Maniac would be released from the hospital the next day or so, to start the whole thing up again. Heck, I remember one particular looney (he was known locally as "Crazy Jack") that was a fixture on the F-train for about five years. He'd act up, the cops would drag him off, and a few days later, he'd be back to pissing on the platform, threatening people with a length of pipe, and lifting ladies' skirts whilst howling. I kid you not.
You can see how much better the NYPD is about handling those sorts of things, nowadays. The cops here used an amazing amount of restraint before they finally piled on the dude (with the help of passengers; who says New Yorkers don't get involved?),and not only did they NOT taser this whackjob (that often doesn't work, anyway) but they didn't draw guns on him, either.
I can tell you this much, though: if that Dude had a turban on, or was yelling "Allahu Akbar!", they probably would have shot him where he stood. No fooling.
By the way, I hope ObamaCare covers penile enhancement, because this dude definitely needs some. Maybe that's what set him off in the first place?
