Yeah, I am white. Unfortunately. Just call me the white, female version of Uncle Ruckus. Yeah, I see that smile on your face. You are sitting there thinking "damn this bitch is crazy", aren't you? Well, therein lies the problem.
Because you know what? Most of my opinions are really on point and need to be said. Only problem is, coming from my mouth they tend to lose legitimacy.
Realistically, who the hell is going to listen to me talk about the evils of white so called "civilization" with a straight face? I mean, I really do know what I am talking about. And if you read the message and do not actually see that I am the messenger, you would probably be nodding your head in agreement the majority of the time. But then you see my white face, and start thinking I am some nut job.
I have heard people say they have never met a single white person who would trade their privileged white existence to live life as a Black person. Not in a million years. Not for a million dollars. So maybe I am a first. Because truthfully, every day I wish that I were not white. In fact, for years I have always said that I am Italian when people ask me my race, because for some reason, I have always had this misguided notion that Italian is somehow "less white".
Now, a lot of people will read this and think I am just talking shit. That if it really came down to it, I would not want to change my race. But, I really sincerely wish I could. The main reason being this: I am probably the only white Black nationalist you will ever meet.
Yes, like the Black KKK member on the Dave Chapelle show, I am a person who has ideals that are the exact antithesis of my identity. I believe wholeheartedly in 99% of the tenets of Black Nationalism. Hell, I even have a strong admiration for Kamau Kambon, the man who has called for the total elimination of white people. Only problem is, it is a little hard to be a Black Nationalist when you are not, in fact, Black. Because if the goals of Black Nationalism came to fruition, if a separate Black nation was formed within the boundaries of the US, or if all Black people were re-patriated back to Africa to form a new and better world, I would be left behind. And, if Dr. Kambon had his way, I would be dead.
The things I believe in and the people that I consider to be heroes do not believe that there are "exceptions" when it comes to white folks. Shit, if I was not in the skin I was in, I wouldn't believe it myself. I do not think I have ever met another white person who thinks the way I do.
I am opposed to integration being touted as the solution to racial problems in the world. I do not think that Black people need to associate with white folks to have a better life. I believe that Black people can and should build their own institutions that are superior to those that are created by whites. When I have children, I would never want them to identify as bi-racial, I want them to consider themselves Black. I would HATE if my child brought home a white boyfriend or girlfriend. Hell, I do not even want my kids being friends with little white kids. And, except in my own case, I am pretty much opposed to interracial dating.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, people can say I am a hypocrite because I date Black men, but say that interracial dating is wrong. I know people think that when I see an interracial couple by discomfort comes from jealousy or some such nonsense. But, truthfully, the thing is, I know white people. And I know what they say/do behind closed doors. And I know for a fact that almost every white person I have met, even those involved in interracial relationships, allow their racism to run rampant when they think no one is around to see.
I tell people all the time that I wish I was a Black woman. The things that I believe it would make so much more sense. I would not be a hypocrite, not practicing what I preach. I could be a Black Nationalist without being called "self loathing" or "confused." But, I guess I am stuck in the skin I am in, and always will be. And I will try to do the best I can to rise above the legacy of my skin color and really make a difference.